"it's a long story."

I don't like to be in a grey area, nobody should. There's no definition, no answer and no explanation. "So what are we?" is the question most of us would have no answers mostly, and even if we do, we know that they are just excuses that are made out impromptu.

I'm in one huge ass of a grey area now. I'm pretty much in love with a person, and because of circumstances, we're dangling in a situation whereas I cannot explain to any of my friends, what exactly we are now. "It's a long story." is one of my most common answers whenever friends ask me about who I'm missing, of simply why am I in an emotional wreck. It was never meant to shut them up, but simply because I prefer telling them that it's a long story, than telling them that I don't know.

I have to keep everything to myself. I cannot look too happy when i'm feeling good, or pull a long face when I'm not in the mood. I don't share as much these days, or rather, I cannot share as much these days. For I myself would like those questions answered. Suffering in silence is becoming a norm. But I'm not exactly that weak when it comes to succumbing emotions and feelings, I can and will survive this. I have the ability to love, but for now, not so much to be in love.

Every night I suffer with a smile on my face.

I'm still smiling.